WHEN NOT DEFINED

The following is a poem one of my friends wrote. Title was 'When not defined.....'

When I see the truth I say what I feel,
but I found that to others I couldn't appeal.
I tried to tell them, but words couldnt explain
what I felt inside, be it love or joy or pain.

The more I tried to make myself clear,
I found that the truth had become dirtier.
The truth of the heart is corrupted by the mind;
Some things are clearer when not defined......

My reply is what you see below!

Nice! I remember we discussing something on these lines, back in 2006.

Now....

I have bigger worries.
Bigger or different, or whatever. Oh!


What is this life, full of care; No time to stand and stare;
stare, at the truth; and indulge in it.
Dirty it with words;
reclaim its purity with silence
filled with more words, just expressed in limit.

Stare! To stare at the truth and indulge in it!
I might soon become incapable of seeing anything;
Running, running along with closed eyes.
With pain and joy limited to the physical realm.
When it is anything other than physical,
it is something I would otherwise have laughed at. Trivial.
And the other thing... love.
Is there a smiley that is self-geering, Hello hello Tahoma!?
Aureliano! Are you me!?
Thank goodness, there are some kids around.
Spreading some cheer and dreams.
And, more thanks to goodness,
I dont have to take these kids to my home.

My home, where I can,
sit aone and stare at the truth;
indulge in its dirtiness;
silently swear, jibe at its pretentious clarity.

A PROUD FREEMAN

When one of my colleagues was appreciating my reading habit, I replied 'It is not such a good thing as you say. All that reading does to me is to make me be available for more pains. It just makes me so sensitive and aware for everything that can cause pain'. I was trying to tell that one doesnt have to regret not having the habit of reading. Even as I was saying the abovementioned, I realized how true what I was saying was.

When I read my last post two days after writing it, I wondered why it should be so negative. Was it really negative? Why I sound a bad egotist to myself, when no one around me would want to believe it? I wondered why I make things difficult for myself?

Few more days later, I was reading Utilitarianism by John Stuart Mill. Below text reminded me of my previous post. I wasn't sure how well related these are. Let's see.

Next to selfishness, the principal cause which makes life unsatisfactory, is want of mental cultivation. A cultivated mind-I do not mean that of a philosopher, but any mind to which the fountains of knowledge have been opened, and which has been taught, in any tolerable degree, to exercise its faculties-finds sources of inexhaustible interest in all that surrounds it; in the objects of nature, the achievements of art, the imaginations of poetry, the incidenets of history, the ways of mankind past and present, and their prospects in the future.

I felt like someone approving of my varied, at times contradictory, interests. By no means, I want to proclaim that I am that so called 'cultivated mind'. At least, it is something I want to be, it looks like. To hold back on most of those interests, just to be able to pass the remaining days in peace (!?) is just unthinkable.

I am reminded of Darwin's words 'My God, it is intolerable to think of spending ones whole life, like a neuter bee, working, working, & nothing after all.' This he wrote, when he was pondering on the question, To marry or Not!?

Now, it is probably not (just) a so-called normal(!) life that can sway me away from being a real cultivated mind. There are thousand other things. Or, probably nine hunderd and ninety nine.

John Stuart Mill says

'Many who begin with youthful enthusiasm for everything noble, as they advance in years sink into indolence and selfishness. But I do not believe that those who undergo this very common change, voluntarily choose the lower description of pleasures in preference to the higher. I believe that before they devote themselves exclusively to the one, they have already become incapable of the other.'

So, I wonder which point I am at, in this common change. I am almost certain I am in it. I wake up late every morning, I don't exercise regularly, I don't read regularly, most of the times I read, it is all junk. Am I becoming incapable of the enthusiasm for everything noble?

As I always say, it's probably this realization, this alone, that can help me recover. Every night, when I retire to bed, I chide myself for having wasted so much of time. Hope there is a turnaround, soon!

Utilitarianism says elsewhere

'Genuine private affections, and a sincere interest in the public good, are possible, though in unequal degrees, to every rightly brought-up human being. In a world in which there is so much to interest, so much to enjoy, and so much also to correct and improve, everyone who has this moderate amount of moral and intellectual requisites is capable of an existence which may be called enviable; and unless such a person, through bad laws, or subjection to the will of others, is denied the liberty to use the sources of happiness within his reach, he will not fail to find thi enviable existence'.

This enviable existence sounds almost like a compromise to my ears. And, I have to hope for it. The reality is, I am not going anywhere. Start was good, I guess. The past few months have been a regresing time period. Lot of work at office, and the standard of my other activities have gone down steadily. I need to pull up my socks before I lose the self respect. Come on, I can! I am, after all, a proud freeman!

WHAT DO I WANT?

Ok, seriously, I don't know what is that one thing(if there is one), by doing which I will be happy. But I'm sure it's not what I am doing right now. I don't want to be in this corpo-rat(e) race. I don't want to spend all my time reading, doing and thinking of datacom and networking. I don't want to burn my days, competing with my colleagues for that extra money and a safe job. I don't want to become a superman, who can help some company earn few more dollars.
I want to read political science, economics and sociology. I want to understand the history of the human race, history of its history, science, politics and life. And find out, if it could be better.

Some times I doubt, if I am a pessimist, always rejecting all the good that is around. I doubt, if I am just incapable of doing well in the current setup, and if that's why I am working around it. Just being a spectator, taking up the role of a researcher or reporter, who has interest but is not part of the thing that he is reporting/analysing; At the same time, anxious of his place in it, realising his stake in it secretly.

I want to keep my body fit so that it can do anything my mind wants it to do. Nevertheless I indulge in excessive/rich food that is not good for my health, and very soon regret it.

I call myself a slave, a slave of the idea called freedom. I can't rely on anyone for my goodness. I want to live and die on my own hands. Not because I don't trust fellow human beings. I trust them to be human beings, nothing more. I am aware fully that their lives are their business, and mine is mine. When I say life, mine or someone else's, I am aware that everyone's unerstanding of it is different, and the limits are different. Mine is bound by that too. Meaning, my life may not be limited to the singular body and emotions of mine alone.
It will be great to live a nice evening, leaving oneself fully to a loved one. But, very soon, the urge to break free will become unbearable.

One thing I dread is ordinariness, though I want to look very ordinary (especially when everyone around me try their best to look extraordinary). Basically, we are all trying to do the same thing. It is just that I am not comfortable with the common definitions. I just don't want to play by the rules set by people who didn't think what I am thinking. Why should I?

I want to learn. Almost everything. I want to be able to create the best drawings, I want to be able to sing a song that is good enough to sound good to my ears. I want to be able to dance, very well (I'm a pauper of adverbs, I am running out of them). I want to understand how things work. I am not too worried about the minutest technical things, but I want to understand the logic that stands behind each one of the things that I see. After understanding a few, most of the times, i lose my interest, and the feeling of not 'doing' anything overcomes me. I wouldn't want to sell my drawings or writings to earn my meal. Because I know these are not good enough. I want to really 'do' something. Like doing agriculture, growing rice and making my meal.

I want to be good to everyone, for only then, I can think good of me. I look like, speak like someone, who is too concerned about society. But, in actuality, I am worried about only myself. Society figures in my life, only because I am in it.

I want to remain very simple, in every way. I watch in dismay, the lives, mine and others' becomeing complex slowly; mine, by my own doing. Making myself simple, removing everything that is not necessary, will probably help me find the 'essential me'. That might make it easy to satisfy myself. But, I understand that it is probably against the nature, which has seen to it that an amoeba becomes a human, so complex that my words can't describe. How can learning things can make myself simple? Doesn't it add ideas, making myself complex? Here is the twist. I think I learn things, so that I can reject them. Unknowingly (not any more!) I have rejected all those already. I just want to be sure, so I learn. I remember reading all the religious text I could get just a few years back, and now I am an atheist. Why is it necessary for me to find out the 'essential me'? Because, 'essential me' is not going to be different from 'essential anyone'. That will probably be the smallest unit of a being that can think. I guess that will help. Will it, really?

I crave appreciation. On receiving it, I get disappointed, I feel I have grown small upon receiving it. I feel I don't deserve it, purely because I had craved it.

How self centred, I am! That's another thing I am dreadful about. Can I ever be in a relationship, where I am responsible for another life? I have been a responsible son, brother at home; a very responsible worker, mentor, colleague at office. So, the chances are that I can be. But I am anxious about it. When I am not sure what I am doing with my life, how can I join it with someone else's, or how can I bring a new one into existence?

I remember Nagarjunan telling, during a discussion, how he had moved on from existentialism to structuralism. I am not sure if he meant that the essential-being becomes kind of inessential when faced with the groups of beings, which are not worried about the essential or non-essential beings, which are concerned about everything that an essential-being seeker would abandon as inessential, at the same time infringing upon every individual being.
I dont know if I would abandon all this and become something else. I have no opinion about that right now.

Now I have more questions. What the hell is this 'essential me'? That was a word I stumbled across a few minutes back, while wondering what I am looking for. Do I mean err... God by any chance? Hell.. no! This search probably is same as the one the atomic scientists have been doing. Please don't call me spiritual. I hate that word.

RESERVATION - Anti-Constitutional?

I was going through the study material of 'Indian Economy - Problems and Policies', a first year paper of Madras University's Distance education B.A Economics.
(It has spelling mistakes and grammatical errors in almost every page.)

I happened to come across this part, which discusses the impact of caste on Indian economy and its development.

Following are the points mentioned there. I have copied the statements as given in the material.

Section 1.5 - Page 9

The close and rigidities between caste and occupation prevent occupational mobility vital to economic transformation.

Another defect of the caste system is the existence of a class of untouchables who can never move up the social ladder. This has resulted in waste of human talents and potentialities.

(Probably they meant 'close relationship and rigidities')

Section 2.6.2 - Page 23

Rigid rise between caste and occupation restricts occupational mobility and supply of efforts

(rise? They must have meant relationship, I guess)

After discussing few other points on the similar lines, here comes the concluding paragraph.

Though our Indian constitution prevents discrimination by caste, the recent policy of reservation has lead to the strengthening of this institution. Even if its influence has reduced due to selection of individuals by competitive exams, it is still a very much living institution, according to Epstein.

First it states that reservation is anti-constitution. Then it says, it is reservation that strengthens the institution. Then it goes on to say that the competitive exams are to reduce the influence of caste/reservation.

Caste is still a living institution, yes I agree. But I'm not sure if Scarlett Epstein identified reservation to be the cause of this. It would be interesting to know what solution, whoever it is, Epstein or Dr.K.K.Muruganantham (Course writer from DRBCC Hindu College), would suggest, to nullify the impacts of the caste system on the economy, if reservation is anti-constitutional and if it strengthens the institution.

SUCH A LOVELY PLACE

I was on the highway
And the FM was filling the car
Serving melodies and memories sweet.
Up ahead in the distance
Dark dark sky and a gold coin moon
An Indian's moon in Californian sky
Visible through the thin cloud layer
The dark thick clouds painting black everywhere.

Sudden storm of grief struck my heart
Farther I go and I Wouldn't see my moon...
I told myself
Stop in this moment
And just stay with the present...
Pity Pity!
Where will I stop?
Time or space?

What a nice surprise!
Moon followed my eyes,
Forty miles per hour,
shining through the clouds
Making them look thin and pale.

It wasn't a thin layer
That allowed the moon to shine.
It was the moon
that made the cloud look thin.

With my eyes on it,
I can go anywhere,
For wherever I go, My moon!
May the sky be dark and the clouds thick,
You brighten my way,
My eyes, my life.
World with you
Such a lovely place!
Only with you,
Such a lovely place!

(Yes, You got the song FM was playing right!)

Remembering S P Thamilchelvan

Last Laugh

Last laughs
are always from my weaknesses.
Even at the hours of realization.
My conscience
is tied to bitter smiles.

A SPECTATOR'S GRIEF

That co-passenger of mine called himself a spectator.
He had an answer that was simple and predictable, for my question, "So, you intend to be a spectator till the very end?'.

Let's see.

What are you seeing now?

Hmmm... I wonder if I am actually searching for something when I pretend to be seeing. And, just seeing, when I pretend to be searching.

So?

That's what I'm seeing now.

Isn't it boring?

Tiring too.

Have you ever felt 'Happiness'?

Oh yes, till I see that.

Sadness? I doubt.

Huum... You don't know, A spectator's grief. Horrible, Huge, Long ...

Ha! To everyone, one's own grief...

Stop with that smile, you'll remain blessed.

I stared at him.
It would have been dramatic, had he vanished into thin air. He didn't. At least, he could have shown some emotions.

He was sitting there, just returning my stare.

Words, I and Crosses

Words are
much like us,
human beings.

They do certainly
wonder one day,
why they were born,
and
what purpose they serve.
Having given birth to them,
I carry
their crosses too.

Words are
much like crosses.
I am crucified,
on my words.

Doodle today!

I was doing my morning exercises. Nobody else was awake. It's moments like these that drive more thoughts, most of the times making me forget what I was doing. Even as I was stretching, I found a pen and a paper on the table nearby. As usual, I stopped exercising and took the pen to scribble something. After a few minutes, I ended up with what you see above.

I love it, don't you?

Don't worry about those words in Malayalam. I had written that before starting on this drawing. Consciously, I didn't make them related. Unconsciously, probably! :)

Order and Disorder

When I called home last weekend, my mom greeted for my birthday, which was to come in three days. I told her that I would call her on my birthday. She said “That’s ok, just in case we couldn’t talk on that day!” Then, my birthday came and I tried calling home but only to find nobody there. I called my brother and he told that one of my Dad’s cousins in Coimbatore had a heart attack and passed away the previous night.

He was just forty, his wife 32. Three kids of age 9, 7 and 5. There are no words to express this. I can’t even think of the plpight of those kids. I want to meet them when I go there and to see if I can do something for them. What can be done? It’s a loss of life. Why should this happen?

Few months back, I was reading a blog "My mazed interior" where the blogger had written about a book she had read. The book said, “There's no chaos in the world, only order. There are no coincidences - ever. Our lives aren’t run by good or bad luck, but by an intelligent process designed to help us evolve into our best selves”. And, she wrote, “I was so struck by this thought because it looks like it is the most sensible way of accepting all that happens around us each day. Of course, this doesn’t clear the dilemma about whether God exists or not. I would however prefer to believe that there is a bigger power above (I am not sure if this is a person or thing) that governs all of life and that it arranges all that happens, to be the way it is. Whether this a good or bad power is still debatable I guess”.

My first thought after reading it was, “wow! How true!” Next moment, I realized that it is easy for me to say. How about telling this intelligent design theory to someone who is in pain, to someone who is enslaved for generations? We need this theory to ‘accept’ what happens! To act? Should we throw this theory away?

Few days later, I was talking to my roommate when he told the following, not in exact words. “Every single person in this whole world has unique finger prints, isn’t it beautiful? I feel it takes an omniscient power to do this.” I replied, “I take this ink bottle, and drop it from 4 feet above the ground. I do it everyday. Do you think it will ever repeat a pattern on the floor?” It doesn’t take a super power. There is no need for a super power. Yes, it is beautiful, but there is no order. It’s just disorder, which is beautiful at times, or most of the times.

This week, another friend of mine was talking about God.

God knows that the Satan would push Adam and Eve into sin; everything
happened/happens the way God wanted; man’s journey is to become pure so that God will accept him.

Oh my! In the matters of faith, I don’t argue much. More so, because he was so honest and serious about this. I just told him that I don’t feel the way he does.

This reminded me of something I wrote in Tamil few months ago.
“onRaiyonRu uNdu vaazhum uyir padaithu, kaNdu kaLitthirukkum karuNaithaan ennae?”
To translate, "How kind He is, to create lives that feed on other lives, and to admire that!"

A little mess, dude, do a world of good!

Another Sunday morning; and I was sitting by the window reading 'Book Review', a supplementary of San Francisco Chronicle. There was a column titled ‘Why a little mess is good for you’ and the sub title read ‘Overplanning, obsessive neatness interferes with creative flexibility’. Oh my… What the hell!? So, authors have so run out of subjects to write about, that they have to write about this? Why should they write a ‘book’ on this?

A little mess, dude
Do a world of good!

Won’t this line be sufficient? Why should they write a whole book and take the fun away from being messy? I’m not going to read the review. What was the title of the book, anyway? ‘A Perfect Mess: The Hidden benefits of Disorder’. Oh! Will it remain disorder after one writes a book listing down the benefits? Disgusting!

BTW, Happy New Year! Let the ‘BTW’ not deceive you, though it may sound as a passing remark, a bored greeting or an indifferent salute, this new year wish from me comes from my heart.

Let’s see what 2007 does!
2006 tested me a lot. Physically, emotionally, professionally… Ally! It was a great teacher. My horoscope says I have ‘Guruchandala dhosha’. Even if I end up blaming 2006, I have all the gratitude for it a teacher deserves. Thank you 2006!

Dreams

Two weeks back, in a Los Angeles hotel, I woke up with a heart burdened with guilty feeling. It was because, in my dream, I had beaten up my younger sister. It took a while to get rid of my remorse, reminding myself that it is just a dream. It took a little longer, to realise that I don't really have a sister. I'm trying hard to remember what she looked like!

Early morning today, I had another one.
I wake up (in my dream), to realise that I had been sleeping for 6 months. (But, with a beard much shorter for six months). One of my friends tells that once in between he helped me shave and eat some food even as i was sleeping. I was trying to get out of the house to find out if it was true or a prank....
But, I woke up (to today).

Life is short!

Suddenly there are many reasons to believe that life is too short. First one seems to be my heart, which is doing some customary self checks now. Second one is my hand, which is going through a painful problem, RSI. Third is my home, where, hopes of my independence is increasing.

What these three seem to have done together is, to question the obvious, to cast a shadow of doubt over my so-far-safe choices, to open me to the multitude of choices by firmly closing down one or two, to give me a fresh air.

It feels like being born again. I don't know how long this feeling will last. I might end up sticking to the seemingly safe path again. But, it is relieving, to say the least, that I am not blind to the options now. If only I can follow my heart, journey is going to be exciting.

One thing I keep reminding myself of is that whatever I do, it's going to be with a body and mind abused for over 25 years. The effect can't be undone in a day or two, with most of it permanent. At the same time, the experience I've had is a wealth too. I have seen some good changes happening in me, over all these years, though I suspect if they are shallow and if I shall remain the same, underneath it all.

By the way, I read Harry Potter and thoroughly enjoyed it. I wanted to write more about it, but let me save it for later. Now reading 'One hundred years of solitude'.

Sticking to my old habits will help me, by intoxicating me and making me rush across the doors of change, I think.

Bloody, whatever I write, it doesn't touch what my heart is going through. What's the point, then? Why is it so? My usual secretive self? May be. Ego? Of course, a possibility.

Forget it; I'm getting used to it. Whatever one does, it seems to be only a substitute of something one couldn't do. Ha haa! Curse the moment I started thinking; probably I didn't get a biscuit then.

I wanna go home!

Still in the same situation! So, can't type much.
Just pasting the lyrics of the song that I have started liking very much, which Star 101.3 FM has been giving me every day!

No reading between the lines! I like the song, that's it! More so, with one of my roommates going back to India tonight, in three more hours.

Another summer day
Has come and gone away
In Paris and Rome
But I wanna go home
Mmmmmmmm

Maybe surrounded by
A million people I
Still feel all alone
I just wanna go home
Babe I miss you, you know

And I’ve been keeping all the letters that I wrote to you
Each one a line or two
“I’m fine baby, how are you?”
Well I would send them but I know that it’s just not enough
My words were cold and flat
And you deserve more than that

Another aeroplane
Another sunny place
I’m lucky I know
But I wanna go home
Mmmm, I’ve got to go home

Let me go home
'Cause I’m just too far from where you are
I wanna come home

And I feel just like I’m living someone else’s life
It’s like I just stepped outside
When everything was going right
And I know just why you could not
Come along with me
That this is not your dream
But you always believed in me

Another winter day has come
And gone away
In even Paris and Rome
And I wanna go home
Let me go home

And I’m surrounded by
A million people I
Still feel all alone
Oh, let me go home
Oh, I miss you, you know

Let me go home
I’ve had my run
Baby, I’m done
I gotta go home
Let me go home
It will all be all right
I’ll be home tonight
I’m coming back home

Copied from http://www.azlyrics.com/lyrics/michaelbuble/home.html
Lyrics by Michael Buble

RSI and a few more important things

I'm suffering from RSI (Repetitive Strain Injury), which makes it really hard to type. That's the reason behind me not writing much here. It's getting better, though it will take atleast a few more weeks for me to be comfortable here.

So, a few short updates...

When I went to the doctor, an Indian, she asked me a few questions...

Are you allergic to any medicine?
No
Are you under any medication?
No
Do you smoke?
No
Alcohol?
No
Are you married?
No
Do you have children?
Hmm?.. NO!

We went on a trip to Crater Lake, Oregon caves and Mount Shasta. My uncle joined us too. Last weekend, my parents and brothers had gone to Thirunelveli for our temple festival. Though I saw Crater lake and a few other rivers, I miss Thaamiravaruni river, Nellaiappar, Azhwarthirunagari and Sreevaikundam temples, even after ceasing to be a devotee.

Now I have a beard that is more than 50 days old. Exactly on the 50th day, I had a realization, though it was from a column by one Manju in a local magazine here. It is not the column itself. One line, majorly exaggerated at that, struck me very hard. As I contemplated further, I found how hard it is for the other person.
It helps to know the other side. I think this completes the process started by 'Smile in Pleasantville'. I am very happy now, to let things go!

Will be back, after a while!

Life is beautiful

Few minutes back, I wrote a mail to one of my friends.
It had these few lines...

Life is beautiful, don't you agree?
Will I say this again, even after seeing Somalia, Lebanon, Hiroshima, Gujarat and Bombay? Or after seeing poverty, exploitation, failures, frustrations, bitter relationships and needless hatred?
I think, there is no other choice. I will say it again.
Life is beautiful, don't you agree?

Even as I clicked 'Send' button, I remembered my previous post in this blog, cribbing about life. Which one of these is true? To be frank, I was honest, in both the occasions. Isn't this beautiful? that one can be honest and come up with two opposite ideas about one thing?

Ok! I agree, this is too much. When I wrote that mail, I thought that this pain, struggle itself is beautiful. That's a state of mind, probably.

Still I stand by it?

Will I say 'Life is beautiful', standing in that small village 'Thiruvarangam' (not Sreerangam, this is different), near that old Perumal temple, on the banks of the river that has no water now, looking at the vast area of dry sand, that spreads across and tells you how big the river had been, once upon a time?

Come on, be frank. You are traveling in a train. Just one moment. Your co-passengers have fallen dead or are dying, you see blood and burnt flesh everywhere. Will you say 'Life is beautiful'?

Why? you are going home from office at 7 PM and are caught in a nasty traffic jam and a severe head-ache. Will you dare say 'Life is beautiful'?

No, I don't think I will.

But, give me one moment to reflect upon. Give me some time. I might say 'Life is beautiful'. Probably, this is what makes it beautiful.

Title?

And, whose life is this I am living?

I dissolve in words that lie in mind and evaporate into words that clog my heart and suffocate my lungs.
I exaggerate, I know.
I know I am underestimating and any amount of exaggeration won't be sufficient.
There are things to replace these words...
Music?
Dance?
Any damn entertainment?
Physical exercise?
Meditation?

How about life?
Mine.
And, where is it?

Trip to Yellowstone

We were nine totally, five in our car, Dodge Durango. First destination of our trip was a place called Ketchum in state Idaho. Reached there in the early morning, slept for some time. We had delicious burger for brunch and set off to do rafting in river Salmon. After reaching the place, three of us decided to do kayaking instead. While rafting is done in a group of 6 people, kayak is to be done alone.

Kayak trainer asked us to stay there while he was preparing to come in the river. River Salmon had other ideas and she took me along with her and I was searching if I see the words ‘The End’ somewhere in the waters. It took just a few seconds to realize that it was too simple to be worthy of a climax and I could manage the kayak easily. When I managed to take the kayak to the land to wait for the others in my group, I had already traveled more than 200 meters.. We kayaked for more than 10 miles and it was very exciting though equally tiring. Friction with the paddle peeled off some skin from my right thumb and for half the distance I was holding the paddle in a funny way and it made kayaking difficult. Once my kayak was being rocked between two rocks and I started shouting for help. After realizing that nobody is there to help me, I managed to get out of it. It was easy! 
Since I had started earlier than planned, there was no photo taken while I was kayaking.

Then we went to Yellowstone, the first national park of the world. On most of our way, we had the river Salmon accompanying us, just by the side of our road. In Yellowstone, which spreads over 9000 square miles, there were a lot of geysers and the scalding water erupting out reacts with the chemicals in the earth and makes different, colorful and beautiful structures. There is a geyser called ’old faithful geyser’, which erupts every 94 minutes, for more than 100 years. When it does it, it erupts to a height of 100 ft. We could see it twice on that day.

We went to the canyon of the Yellowstone, view of which was great. And then, there were two water falls called upper and lower falls of Yellowstone river. Lower falls was particularly spectacular. Just a few meters upstream, river was shallow, calm and alone! I got lot of time to play around, crossing the river streams jumping over the rocks; walking on the fallen trees that lie across the river.
We also went to Yellowstone Lake, which was so huge and beautiful. Unfortunately, we didn’t have time to do boating there.

It was time for our journey back. Since it is a 16 hours drive, we had planned to stop and stay in Wendover city, Nevada State. Nevada being a dry state, there is nothing much to visit. But the whole state is full of casinos. We visited two of them in Wendover. This time too I didn’t gamble, as was the case in Las Vegas in 2003. But, make no mistake; I don’t consider it to be a virtue.

July 4th was U.S Independence Day. We saw the Independence Day parade. It was a great sight to see the enthusiasm that the kids had. The parade had vehicles slowly driving along the road and people inside threw candies and chocolates to the kids. Parade was represented by a few schools too. I couldn’t see a single teenaged boy being part of that. It is same everywhere.
And, I feel ashamed to think that I never wished 'happy independence day' anyone that day.

Highlights:
1. I drove in freeway for the first time, for around 7 hours. Driving in 75mph and above was thrilling. I found it very difficult to control it in the curvy roads in Derby dam area in Nevada. I managed somehow. Thankfully I wasn’t carried away, when my friend asked me to try following a supposedly beautiful girl who overtook us.

2. In Yellowstone, people bought t-shirts, caps for themselves and gifts for their friends. I didn’t know what to buy. At last I bought a DVD on Yellowstone Park so that I can show this to my parents when I return home.

3. On our way from Yellowstone to Wendover, we had a long discussion on love, marriage, kids and err… self realization. My stand would have been different a year or two ago. My comment on the debate came under heavy criticism.

4. Whenever I travel far, I used to get this startling feeling. Seeing hundreds of people so far from me, so far from each other, with their own lives, joys and worries… The policeman we talked to, the gas station lady who gracefully handled my irritation, anger and embarrassment, three young girls who run a restaurant in that small unknown town, that bartender who served drinks and pizzas to our group alone well over midnight, and a lot of others. How huge and varied and beautiful this world is, this life is!

5. When I went for kayaking, I forgot to remove my wrist watch that my uncle had presented me in 1997. It drank a lot of water and stopped running promptly. So, my time had not been running since then. When it cannot run, does time stand still? That too, when you have a lot of time for thinking, with pine forest running behind fast, as you travel? No, it goes back.

6. Today, six days after kayaking, my watch has started working. But the watch dial still has water drops. Time ticks forward, but I can still see it only through the water of past.

On Ideas

Debate started
and
heated up fast.
There go
the swords
sharpened for days.
Debate on ideas,
we called it.

At the end of it all,
with us were,
swords sharper
with all the fight,
newer, stronger weapons
discovered and made
from the opponents' field,
and
the same old ideas!