I don't have cancer!!!

After reading my previous posts, few of my friends are worried if I am really, fully down with some depression. ok! Not really.

There are lot of other things happening.

I completed reading Midnight's Children. Liked it. Will write more about it later.

In March, I was able to do Padmasanam (after 15 yrs!). I started doing it so regularly and religiously that it resulted in tissue inflammation in my right shin. Though I ignored it initially, I was alarmed when it started increasing and spreading. I went to a clinic here. The whole thing took around three hours, most of which was spent in waiting for one or other thing. Allowed X-Rays to touch me for the first time in my life. (as if it was waiting!) When it was over, doctor told this. "I'm relieved. It's not cancer". I was relieved too, for I had thought of that possibility as well. Now, back to sukhasanam.

mmm... what else? I can't think of any!
Ah! Yesterday I changed the password for one of my accounts. What's special in it? That was the last one which had a particular name. And, it's not over. My new password has a serious question hidden in it! And, that's ridiculous! I'm back.

Am I really, fully down?

Few Twenty Firsts

Today, May 21st.

I remember 1991's May 21, I was in Thalayolaparambu, Kerala to spend my summer vacation. Rajiv Gandhi was assassinated and a man who came to my uncle's shop accused us all Tamils for that.

There was 2005, Dec 21, which saw me wandering along the streets, talking to myself over an important thing. I was trying to decide. Should I, shouldn't I? I decided in the affirmative but it was only three months later, only after I became blind to all the other possibilities and by then the question had vanished unable to survive my constant stare at it. Questions don't get answer; They disappear. And, you are left with the answer you would have liked, anyway.

Then came 2006, Jan 21, a Saturday. I was at home, alone, trying to draw a particular drawing, which I was trying for quite some time then. And on that day, I was successful. I have taken it with me, but haven't taken out yet. Let me see how long I can resist!

Feb 21, 2006. Nothing much to say. I was battling myself again.

This is the best! March 21st. A sacrificial lamb lead the priest to the altar. Got killed and rested convinced. Felt ridiculous all through the process!

On April 21st, I started my flight to U.S. And, I wrote the following.

Bangalore Airport. 9:35PM, 21st Apr 2006.

I have a choice, now.
A choice that gives me freedom to choose one from so many options.
I can continue reading 'Midnight's children', from where I left a week ago.
I can take out AK Ramanujan's poems, close eyes, open any page of the book and read.
I can watch TV, though it's some stupid program running.
Or, listen to one of the hundreds of songs I have in my laptop.
Or, just keep looking around.
Or, eat something from the coffee day outlet here.

But, I don't know what to do.
There is another luring option; I can just sit there and start thinking.
About what?
About my parents, who had come to send me off...
My project and the hard work and a harder manager that await me in the USA...
Or, about a call that I wanted to make before leaving, but didn't.
About the person, whom I wanted to talk to, but didn't.
About the person, who asked me to keep in touch, but wished just the opposite.

But I choose to just go over all my options again and again, and then to play a game of Hearts! It's easy when played on a laptop.